Plastic Smile
by JJBluebell
Summary: I suppose it was a childish hope to think it would be different because that's just not how these things go. I never wanted this, any of it. So I've decided to go away, I just want to go away. Doing the wrong thing for the right reasons doesn't make it right… right? I've never been a good person, but I was here, I was loved and they were idiots for loving me, total fucking idiots.
1. Chapter 1

I suppose it was a childish hope to think it would be different, I thought I would feel something _more _or just _something_ in general I guess but that's just not how these things go.

I never wanted this, any of it; I just wanted things to go back to the way they were before; Back when mom could look me in the eye without a slither judgment and suspicion, when dad smiled that real smile I barely remember, when I was able to breath without it hurting so much… when Beau was here.

When he'd laugh and make stupid jokes and call me midget. God I hated that… I miss that.

The cold truth is that he's never coming back and in all honesty I'm tired of trying to get through the day, pretending I'm ok, of waking up… so **fucking** tired.

So I've decided to go away, I just want to go away…

I've done so many messed up things in my life that I can barely take it. Maybe they'd have understood but I just couldn't bring myself to tell them everything, not in person anyway.

I left a note.

Yeah I know it's the cowards way out and all that jazz… then I guess you can brand me a grade A fucking coward because I just can't face it, face the look of horror on my parents face or the disgust on Isaac's when they read all about my little confession.

Doing the wrong thing for the right reasons doesn't make it right… but I stand by it regardless.

At least I finally did something worthwhile before… you know.

It doesn't hurt as much as you'd think as the blood races out of my wrists, soothed by the water and strawberry scented bubbles. I think about how it matches my hair, the blood I mean. My hairs always has been that dark shade of crimson, not that trendy hipster red, ginger or strawberry blonde, its blood red, so much blood… then **black!**

**FOUR MONTHS EARLIER **

_*BANG*_

_*BANG*_

Pulling the already half bent floral pillow over my head I mumble a shout at the evil creature on the other side of my bedroom door "I'm up!"

"Then get dressed!" I throw the pillow at the poster covered door wishing it was open so it'd actually hit my mother in her overdone, snotty face.

Groaning into my hands I manage to crawl out of bed to be met by three perfectly charming pictures on my wall lined in fairy lights, the first of my short self and an lanky older brown-coppery haired, blue eyed boy making a pig face while my face is squished into his long neck, the second of me on my father's back, while the blue eyed boy laughs popping his head in-between the elder man's legs, that's where you can see their resemblance minus a few grey hair's and the third is a capture of me crying and my brother punching the clown that freaked me out.

Beau… he always could make me laugh, god I miss him.

"Liberty!"

With a roll of my pretty blue eyes I scream back "I'm coming!"

Ten minutes later I bounce down stairs while side braiding my crimson curls and find my mother in the kitchen fussing about something over nothing as usual but stops as she sees me enter the room "really Liberty?"

Grabbing a bagel from the small plate set out I simply ignore my mother, already knowing where this is going "why can't you put a bit more color in your wardrobe, maybe a nice dress for once?"

"Leave her alone Laura." My dad comments in a dull tone from behind his paper, he got bored with my mom's whining to long ago to care much.

Not that it stops her, because she stands hands on hips, a mirror of me in thirty years but with less fashion sense "Fred look at your daughter, look at her, those clothes are just… what will the people from church think?"

The way she makes out is like I'm wearing a bra and Toto, believe me I'm not, I think I look fine anyway; black printed jeans, a cotton grey t-shirt, red sneakers with matching red tip-less gloves and a long silver chain. Dad seems to approve as he casts a glance over his paper only to throw it down with a sigh and grab his car key's "Fred, Fred!"

He walks out silently as I grab my book bag and wave smugly with a mouth full of yummy bagel just because I know it'll piss her off. The ride to school is almost totally silent except for the classic station my dad has glued to the radio, just before we get out and the engine dies my dad looks at me with the eyes he passed to me and places a heavy hand on my head "there's nothing wrong with you Liberty Bell."

"Yeah? Tell mom that." it's a low blow but I know he will talk to mom, not that it does much good.

With a sorrowful sigh he kisses the crown of my head "hey, your still my little girl… now be good."

I offer a vague nod before getting out of the car and watch as he leaves me behind. My parents haven't been getting along for a while now, not since Beau died, mom turned to the church for answers and dad never even bothered looking, to broken to try I guess. Then I only just made things worse, let's just say I didn't handle losing my big brother well.

But who would right?

Walking through the halls filled with the cockroaches of this sunny suburban hellhole and I can't help but miss the salty breeze of New Orleans; we've lived here for three weeks and four days… I don't like it.

During second period I sit with my headphones booming into my ears while jotting down notes from the notebook and out of the corner of my eye I notice the moron next to me grabbing a flask of brownish liquid I know to be vinegar and go to mix it with bleach… BLEACH FOR FUCKS SAKE!

Grabbing his hand I all but growl at him "what the hell are you doing?"

A pair of big blue doe eyes look at me like a deer in headlights as I take the flask off the guy "dude seriously? Adding any weak acid to bleach will release toxic chlorine and chloramine vapors."

He looks at me kind of confused and asks almost sheepishly "Acid?"

"Vinegar is an acid brainiac! The worst that could happen: You can get a nasty chemical burn, especially your eyes and lungs so in layman's terms we don't mix these. Ok?" I watch him then as he quickly moves to fix his sleeve to hide his not well hidden bruise.

This is the first conversation I've had with the boy since I was landed in this class with that dick of a teacher Harris who just happens to notice "Nice work Miss McNell, at least someone's paying attention. Lahey, I think it would be a good idea if you two worked together on our new essay… The Dangers of Our Home, meaning the basic chemicals that are harmful in our everyday environment. Considering your lack of the basic's Lahey maybe a watchful eye is for the best. McCall you and Stilinski are separate for this, maybe you might actually accomplish something resembling work."

I can't help but glare at the boy, with a snarl because I don't want to work with him. I don't want to work with anyone. I just want to be left alone is that so hard.

During lunch I sit and attempt to eat the slop this place calls food, I mean I know budgets for schools suck but rather that new lights for the lacrosse field let's focus on actually providing nourishment for the minds your crappy teaching is trying to penetrate, just a thought. Then out of nowhere goldilocks decides to slump down in front of me "so when are working on this paper?"

"Excuse you?" I glare at him because he's suddenly got a pair of balls as he bites with a halfhearted smile into his apple. Gone is that slither of fear I'd seen in class, or hidden perhaps "The paper, you know for chemistry? It's Liberty right?"

"How about never? I'll do my half and you do yours ok? Now get out of my face." Now most people would be fine with that but this guy just won't let up and seems to drop the tough guy act for a second.

Leaning closer he looks at me with those big puppy dog eyes and pleads "come on, Liberty please I can't fail this class."

I could see something in his eyes, not the unsure fear from earlier but true fear, like a stay begging for its life to the pound keeper. Maybe that's why I nod with a shallow groan "fine, come by my house tomorrow."

"What's wrong with tonight?" he asks as I scribble my address onto a page from my notepad and hand it to him, more like throw it at him but still "my parents have stuff going on, so you'll have to wait and for the record I'm not doing your work for you or sleeping with you. My dad has a gun and taught me how to use it… so yeah."

Isaac chuckles lightly with an amused frown "ok, so do you just hate me or do you threaten all your friends?"

"I don't know you to hate you and we're not friends." I smirk with a hint of malice as I grab my stuff to get the hell out here but just before I turn to leave I lean into the boy who smells of fresh Golden Delicious, sickly deodorant and that sweet boy smell… like honeysuckle "and another thing, it's Nell."

With a mild chuckle he meets my gaze and asks "your nickname is the second half of your last name?"

"Yeah, problem?" He makes this face, seeming to find it funny as I steal what's left of his apple. I can't wait for this project to be over so that idiot will be out of my hair. Because I don't do friends, I don't let people in.

Not anymore… at least that's what I thought at the time, before that curly haired idiot burrowed his way into my life.

That was my first mistake.


	2. Chapter 2

So this morning I had a huge bust up with my parents, mostly my Mom. I suppose I knew it was coming, but I still hate it.

I mean come on I found her snooping through my room, halfway under my bed for fucks sake. Of course she took the moral ground saying shit like it's my own fault, she's trying to protect my immortal soul and all this other crap I couldn't be bothered hearing. The thing that bugged me most was the fact that Dad never actually defended me, when I told him what she'd done he just sort of gave me this look like he knew but felt bad, still he did nothing!

So yeah, I made my own way to school today.

Now sitting in the court yard staring down at the silver charm bracelet covering the white strip of flesh on my wrist I wonder how I got it wrong, the wrong place, wrong time, wrong way to cut…

"Hey Nell" Out of my little daze I look up to be met with pretty sparkling blue eyes that I want to claw out!

With a large groan I look past him to the couple making out by the bleachers, some hot redhead and an equally hot guy "I said I'd work with you I never said anything about talking to you."

"I know. That's Jackson and Lydia by the way, the pair you're gawking that's trying to eat each other." Isaac smiles at me before offering me a hand from my spot under the shady tree.

With a quick snarl I push myself up, like I actually need his help? "I'll gawk all I want they're the ones putting on a free show and if you know I don't want to talk you then get out of my face."

"I would but for this essay to actually get done we need to converse, you know that thing with words? So until this essay is done I think we should stick together." Look at him standing their all cocky thinking he knows all there is to know about me, like this moron has any idea.

Ripping my bag off the floor I bump past him and whisper shout "that thing I said yesterday, I take it back, I think I do hate you."

As the bell for class rings I hear him call "So I'll come by about six? Nell?"

The day passes by almost too quickly because I just don't want to go home; back to the train wreck they call a family. I'm so tired of this shit, this school and town, so I decided the skip math and head over to the Library. No one notices me as I slunk into a dark corner and into a computer desk, I prefer it that way. After almost a half hour of watching YouTube videos about cats and idiots getting hurt I log into my Facebook, a place I've avoided for more than a while; the reason? My wall is covered in nothing but condolences and halfhearted questions of concern from too long ago and little else. After Beau died people showed me true concern, sorrow, and then when shit hit the fan they hit the road. I grimes in disgust looking at the mass of pictures I gathered of those backstabbing traitors.

So much for friendship…

"Hey you using that?" the voice is stern and strong as I look up as see a pair who's actually talking to me, I've seen him at lunch a few times, sat alone in the back of the cafeteria and I'm pretty sure he's in my English class to, I think.

It's only when I look to the monitor that I notice I've been timed out and staring into space for the last however many minutes, so with a kick of my heel I stand "It's all yours man, oh and the space bars a little stiff."

He nods a small thank you before I walk away, I don't know Boyd so I don't pay him much mind.

I don't go straight home, I just can't deal with the drama right now so I pretty much walk my bike home. It feels like that little voice in the back of my head is trying get out again, trying to kill me again and I can hear it screaming at me.

Some Moments are harder to shut it out than others, this isn't a good Moment.

Believe it or not I wasn't always like this; I used to be so much happier, _better_… so much **more**!

By the time I get home it's almost dark and I don't bother to put my bike the garage, just drop it on the lawn before slamming my way through the front door and past my parents without a word. Not ten minutes later there's a knock on my bedroom door, the light rapping of knuckles tells me exactly who it is "go away Dad!"

"Liberty Bell please, your friend Isaac's here…" marching over to the door I fling it open, looking less intimidating than I'd planned thanks to my Minnie mouse pj's "first thing he's not my friend and second stop calling me that I'm not five years old anymore in case you hadn't noticed."

He just looks at me for a second a long second and I already hate him for making me less angry with one look because I know my Dad and know what he's about to say "I understand, you have every right to be angry. I should have stuck up for you this morning, I should have told your mother to suck it up and trust you but I just… honestly I just wanted to prove her wrong, prove to her that your better. I know this has been hard for you, not just Beau but everything. I know it feels like your being persecuted but your Mom and I are only doing are best to keep you safe. Because we love you."

And just like that the anger fades away and his arms are wrapped so tight around me it almost hurts. He moves to push a crimson curl from my head before kissing my brow "I'll send up your friend, remember door open ok?"

"He's not my… friend." But he's gone before I get to finish.

A few seconds later in walks the newest bane of my existence "Nell, miss me?"

"You wish goldilocks! Now grab a seat… not the bed!" walking in he looks around and I can see my bad mood creeping back in at Isaac's mere presence.

He looks me over with that stupid smile and I want to punch him "So, Minnie, huh?"

"Don't! Just don't… now Chemistry. You suck at it so pay attention and pick up a book!" he laughs again, like he thinks I'm joking and I find myself wanting to slap him twice as hard…

It's almost eight and we've got like nothing done because Isaac keeps fucking around, asking me questions, like my favorite color, where did I get my stuffed bunny and is that really my natural hair color. We've only got six pages out of twenty-five and he keeps going on and on, then he asks one question to many "who's that guy in the photo's; your brother?"

Slamming down the notebook in my hand I shout "that's it! What is wrong with you? Do you have some incapability to do actual work or something because god… you're the one who pestered me into this remember? Said how you '_couldn't_' fail this class. So why the fuck won't you just shut up?!"

It's like a switch flipped and he's turned into that kicked puppy again, all nervous and awkwardly twiddling his thumb as he shrugs "I'm sorry I just, I don't know, I figured you could use a friend."

I don't mean to do the malicious, bitter laugh that spurts out of me but I just can't help it "seriously? Are you fucking kidding me? I told you '_we're not friend's_' and I have no intention of being friends because I don't do friends! _Friendship_ is nothing more than a thinly valid delusion to hide one person's pathetic loneliness and the others outrageous prying. I don't need that and I don't want it. So just stop Isaac!"

For a second he looks at me, like really looks at me all inquisitive and stuff with those big blue eyes that make me feel like a kid again, caught out in a lie "... what are you scared of Nell?"

The bitter grin on my face turns into a harsh cackle as I glare the blonde boy down "Me? Please, you're out of your dammed mind. I know your type. You; Isaac Lahey are just a scared little boy who is looking for some lost soul to share in the shit storm you call a life so maybe you can get some fucking peace from whatever bullshit you have fucking you over. Well here's a little tip, having people '_there for you'_ or _'hoping'_ for something more is just a load of crock, life doesn't get better Isaac, if anything it gets worse or you just get used to it, but it'll never stop being the total screw over it is right this second. Believe me I know, this is the best it's going to get so get used to it and get used to people, aka me, not giving a flying fuck ok?"

The silences lays perilous in my seemingly shrinking room, blue staring down blue before he finally leans down to take his bag and jacket and make a bee line for the door. He stops only for a moment to cast a glance over his shoulder "Nell…"

Then like a fart in the wind he's gone.

The goodbye is bitter and empty, not that I care, why should I? I didn't even like the boy, the annoying, moronic, puppy eyed idiot.

With a heavy sigh my tired hand glides over my frustrated face, I just want to curl up in bed, headphones drowning out the world around me and fall into a blissful, dreamless sleep… just sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been over a week since the little incident with Isaac back at my house, hadn't heard much of him since and to be honest I was kind of regretting it. Oh, not because I felt bad or anything but because if I didn't get a look at his half of this stupid paper then I might get a crappy grade because of that ridiculously blue eyed idiot.

So yeah…

Walking up to him at lunch I take a second of hesitation, almost walking in the opposite direction simply because of the awkwardness of the situation but with a deep breath I strived on, taking a seat opposite the golden haired boy, his lip broken and scabbed over with a large yellow-purple bruise going straight up from his lip and lining his sharp cheek bones and it doesn't make me ache to ask how it happened, it doesn't and I won't "So…our paper?"

"I'm still working on it but it'll be done in time." he doesn't even bother look up from the comic he's reading or fiddling with his fork as he answers me.

Rolling my eyes I lean back on the crappy pine chair with folded arms "awesome but I still need to see your half first, make sure you actually know what you've written and not mess up my grade."

"Fine, I'll hand you a copy by Friday ok?" he's snappy and rude but I don't pay it much mind as I stand with a bitter smile "just try not to let it suck…"

And then I left him there because that's what I did, I don't get attached and I don't care… I just didn't have it in me anymore.

The rest of the day went by in a hazarded blur, people talking about animal attacks and some stupid dance I didn't care about. So as I sat in English lit and overhear some guys, the asshole Jackson and I think the others name is Danny, talking about a party, they even had a few crappy flyers, I actually snaked one from them. Not because I wanted to go, but because snatching it meant they didn't notice me lifting Jackson's Rolex swiftly off his wrist.

Why?

Why the fuck not?

I've gotten quite good at taking things that I shouldn't, a little habit I somehow picked up after losing Beau. Is it just for attention? A cry for help? Hell if I know… it just makes me feel something, makes me forget for a second I guess.

Or maybe I'm just a fucked up little klepto who likes shiny things, like a magpie.

The second I get home from school the first thing that greets me is my mom practically screaming down the phone from the kitchen and my dad slumped in his chair, absorbedly painting his newest model plane with a plate of freshly baked pastries laid out on the table. Grabbing a jelly donut from the pile I fall back into the soft, welcoming sofa, backpack fallen to my feet while I ask with a cheek full of raspberry goodness "what's wrong now?"

"Someone lost the design's for your mother's new project." My Dad ends me a quick glance as he delicately paints away "and don't talk with your mouth full."

Quickly swallowing down the remainder of my donut I look almost bashful "Sorry, jeez my heart bleeds for whatever poor sap has to deal with that!"

He looks up for a moment to share a sly smirk with me and chuckles "You and me both kido."

And on queue my overly eccentric mother storms in, slamming the phone down "Those people! I swear I understand that god loves us all but he defiantly gave more to some than to others. Well now I have to go down there."

"you really have to go to New Orland's _tonight_?" my dad looks up at the angry red head with a raised brow as she is already grabbing her original copy of her designs "Yes Fred, tonight, my deadline is tomorrow and I'm not getting into trouble because of some buffoon who can't do their job right."

Curled on the sofa, licking at my sugar covered fingers I slurp "Why don't you just scan them and email it over?"

I feel the eye roll before I actually see it "because an emailed version would never allow the viewer to truly know its worth, looking at a picture and looking at art are very different things. But I don't expect you to understand you've never been much of the artistic type."

It felt like a punch to the chest as I glared at my _darling_ mother "Unlike Beau?!"

"Don't put words into my mouth Liberty."

Rising to my feet I glare with anger flared nostrils and my hands on my hips "please, I don't have to, you think I'm stupid? I know Beau was always your favorite, I know you wish it was me and not him, you wish I'd died instead. At least then you'd have had your precious boy with you instead of the fuck up!"

"Watch your mouth young lady. How dare you assume to know my mind? Why can't you just grow up? Why can't you…" we're almost toe to toe, staring each other down as I finish her lingering sentence "Be more like Beau? Because Beau is dead mom! He's dead and buried and he's never coming back."

The throbbing heat of pain radiated through my tender cheek as my head whips around to meet my mother's shocked gaze and partly raised hand, reddened from the contact. Before I know it my feet have carried me half way up the stairs as I hear a loud crash and my father's harsh tone "the next time you touch my daughter I'll ruin you Laura, do you understand! Your job, this house, the money, the church…"

Followed by that bitch's crocodile tears as I fall to the welcoming cold sheets of my bed shrouded only in moonlight "Fred I… I didn't mean to…"

"Just get out, go figure out your shit at work and think about whether or not you want to be a part of this family any longer." With that I hear the quick slam of the front door and the engine of my mom's crappy hatchback… good riddance.

With a knock on my door I hear the whisper of my name "Liberty-Bell?"

"Don't Dad… just go away." I try to sound like my usual strong self but there's a crack in my voice, I fucking hate myself for that.

My backs to him, but I know he hasn't left the room even before the bed dipped and he laid a soft kiss into my crimson curls "I love you Liberty; your mother loves you to."

"Funny way of showing it…"

I can hear the heavy sigh as he leans over me to place my stuffed rabbit beside me, like he did when I was a child, laying a gentle squeeze to my shoulder before leaving with a creek of the door.

I stare into the black buttons of the raggedy bunny's eyes and it catches my breath. I've had this stupid thing for as long as I can remember… and I don't know why but it makes me even angrier and I just know I don't want to be here anymore, I don't need the bullshit…

So throwing the tattered bunny aside I head to my wardrobe, after all there's a party with free booze and brain damagingly loud music just waiting for a pretty little fucked up mess like me to walk through the door.

By the time I finally find the overrun house it's almost eleven… I might have even taken longer if it weren't for the deafening music thundering through the streets. The white cubed house looks out of place in the traditional all American style streets, but what more is to be expected from the moneybags that raised the arrogant asshole known as Jackson.

The house is filled with drunken idiot teens who I barely know and it makes me hate them more, they all seem so happy, ignorant… I didn't come here to know these people, to flirt and pretend to be happy; I came to get as wasted as humanly possible.

Heading into the kitchen I all but run to the keg and pour myself a drink, knocking back the bitter liquid and I can feel the burn of it gliding down my throat; it's almost helpful… almost.

Drink follows drink in a burred daze until I find myself stood on the Whitmore's dining table, bottle of half-drunk overly priced scotch in hand as I dance between two guy's… I vaguely recognize one as Jackson and the other as…um… I think his name's Kalvin, Kyle… something K!

I think…

Then suddenly I'm outside, my hand hurt's and I'm being yelled at and called names, someone's grabbing me and then I realize it's the K guy, his lip is bleeding and his cheek is a stinging red color, Jackson and Lydia are yelling at each other behind him and Danny is trying to grab K off me.

"Hey! Get off her!"

Then from behind me a voice is running over, shoving K hard into Danny and shocking him into letting me go, my arms hurt's and I think my shirt is ripped.

"Nell? Nell, are you ok?" My rescuer is brushing the hair from my face, he's blurry but I can still see blue, the most beautiful blue I've ever seen bluer than the sky after a big storm… my hand reaches up to graze over the eyes that have captivated me as I giggle sincerely "pretty…blue. Blue, pretty."

He smiles brightly, such a bright smile as a voice comes from behind me "Lahey why don't you take your freak girlfriend and get the fuck out of my yard, yeah?!"

"Nice to see you to Jackson… asshole!" those big blue eyes look back to me and I smile at him, flapping my arms as I slur in my drunken haze "Isaac! Wow, how did you know about the party? Are you stalking me?"

He looks more than a little confused by my giggly character shift and I realize I still have the attractive bottle of scotch in my hand only after I take a large gulp "um no I live across the street… Nell, how did you even get here?"

"The good old fashioned walk thingy. Don't drive and think, drink! …wait is that right? No… it's um…" I can see him eyeing me as my feet start to carry me down the street with another burning gulp of the swiped hooch.

He moves to help steady me as I sway slightly on my too high sparkly red heels "whoa there, how about we call your mom and dad to come get you?"

I stop and glare at him as I lean into a nearby tree to rip the offensive shoes from my poor throbbing feet, throwing them down as I snarl "my mom… my _darling_ mother isn't there, fucked off to some work thing… not that she'd care anyway, if she had her way I'd be dead."

"Just give me your phone and I'll call your dad then, ok?" he asks while picking up my shoes and I find myself wanting to beat him with them.

"No, no! He can't see me like this… he's good and strong and he loves me… like Beau, Beau loved me… loved me so much but now he's gone, like I should be gone." I feel the dirt of the grass burying into my nails as they claw at the small patch of grass, I don't know remember sliding down the tree but I know I must have because Pretty Blue… I mean Isaac is the only other person around me and he's leaning to try and help me up, shoes in hand.

Isaac finally manages to get me to my feet, and I curl into him, clinging for support as he starts to steady me for the second time "come on Nell; let me call your dad. You need to go home."

Without warning I can feel my tears betray me, my fist's tighten into his warm cotton shirt as it all just floods out, every stupid thing I don't want to say "my mom hate's me, she hates me and you know what… she should! Because it's my fault, he's dead and it's my fault."

"Nell…"

I can feel all that shit I've buried for so long rise up and it makes me sick "I want him back Isaac, I miss him so much and I need him so bad, I need my big brother and the worst part is I… I **hate** him, I **hate** him because it was meant to be _me_, he should have just left me, he should have let me _die_ like I was meant to but he didn't, he saved me and now he's gone. He's _**gone**_…"

I seem to suddenly lose my shit because the next second I'm punching Isaac's chest, screaming out my pain "How could he do that to me? How could he die and leave me here all alone…" Isaac tries to calm me, encircling his arms around me and pulling my head to his shoulder as I cry, clinging to him once more "how could he _think_ that I could _live_ without **him**?!"

In that moment all I can see is Beau, his magical eyes, his cheeky smile, the look on his face the last time I saw him, the acceptance in knowing he was going to die… I hate him even more for that, for just accepting it.

Isaac doesn't pry like that night in my room, just holds me close, gently stroking my hair to let me cry it out. Not saying one word, no patronizing 'it'll get better' or fake 'I'm sorry' he just lets me cry and stain his shirt with mascara and eye shadow.

I'm not sure how much time past, a few seconds… ten minutes… an hour? But when the well's all dried up and I just can't cry anymore he just holds me.

I don't remember the last time I was just held, protected from the world, from myself… god I'm so fucking drunk.

"Come on, let's get you home." All I can do is nod lightly as I move to look into those eye's, those pretty blue eyes and then I notice the bruises, the harsh bruises and it makes me sad to see them there.

My fingers ghosting over the ugly colors tainting his creamy complexion and he flinches, only for a second but I see it "what happened to you?"

It takes him a second before his eyes shifts away from mine and I can instantly see the hesitation on his face as he shrugs "Lacrosse."

Something about that doesn't seem right to me, something I should know but my alcohol indulged little brain can't seem to piece it together. I open my mouth to speak but the words don't come out… but vomit does.

I manage to only get a bit on Isaac's shirt as he moves to quickly pull back my hair with a chuckle "whoa, you're going to be _so_ hung-over tomorrow."

Isaac is kind enough to walk me home, actually he ends up carrying me most of it because I cut my toe on a stupid rock, a freaking rock for god's sake.

When my dad opens the door he's got his cell to his ear and just looks so panicked, then relieved as I say from the nook of Isaac's neck weakly "Sorry Daddy."

"Oh thank god." He doesn't bother saying goodbye, I'm not even sure if he took the time to actually hang up before coming to check me over, almost snatching me from Isaac's arms but doesn't dare as I cling tighter to the boy "Liberty?"

"I'm ok, Isaac took care of me… he's sweet, I'm not sweet, I'm mean, why am I so mean?" as I'm twittering on my dad's moved to let us in and Isaac smiles down at me "being mean's your thing, like a trademark, besides you're pretty sweet when your drunk."

"Isaac would you help me get her upstairs, please?" I can tell by my father's tone he's not happy with me, but I'm too tired to care and to busy concentrating on not puking again.

Isaac lay's me down and the coolness of my fluffy soft sheets feel so good on my heated skin "your eyes are pretty, like the stars… if they were blue, such a pretty blue."

I hear him laugh as he smiles down at me, reaching to cover me with the duvet "night Nell."

"What did you say?" my eyes are closed, their just too heavy, but I can hear the shock in my father's voice, can only imagine his frozen frame "um, Nell, sir. It's what she asked me to call her…"

"I see, well thank you for taking care of her, Isaac, it's good to know she has a friend watching out for her." I can't move, my eyes feel like someone laid a tone on bricks on them but I can feel his eyes on me, those stupid beautiful blue eyes "your welcome sir, but we're not friends."


	4. I'm Making A Video! Help!

Hey guys just want you to know I am working on the next chapter but I'm also wanting to make a video for the story and need a little help, I'm thinking of having Joseph Morgan as Fred McNell, and Ian Somerhalden or Jensen Ackles for Beau. Not sure on who should play Laura or Liberty so any suggestions would be great, I have considered Lily Collins as Liberty 'Nell' McNell.

Help if you can, thanks guys X x


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys sorry about the long wait but I've been swamped with the problems of my actual life, but never fear I have returned. **

**I really hope you enjoy it and thank you so much for the reviews, please don't forget to tell me what you think.**

**JJBluebell X x**

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

It burns!

The sun shines through my window like a laser beam straight to my brain, at least that's what it feels like. As I gain the strength to actually open my eyes I feel like screaming because I'm sure someone detonated an atom bomb into my poor little head.

"Morning…"

I turn too quickly to find my father at the door and it makes my head start to throb as my hand flies to try and cover the source of my agony "ow!"

"I see the hangover's kicked in with a vengeance. Good thing I came prepared." My eyes flicker up only because of the soothing sent of crispy meat and strongly brewed caffeine.

My dad sits on the corner of my bed, tray of goodness rested on his lap as he strokes back my tattered crimson curls "beacon sandwich, black, sugary coffee and two of the strongest painkiller's I could find. Best recovery remedies known to man."

I peer up at him from where I'm curled under my sheets, cuddled into to softness of my pillow with a raised brow "you're not mad?"

"Oh I was mad, I was ready to go nuclear… right until I opened the door last night and saw you." he moves the tray to my side table so he can get closer to me, taking my hand in his as he smiles "Liberty I can't begin to know how you feel, I just… you've always dealt with things your own way and that's fine but after we lost Beau, you just seemed to stop. You just stopped, stopped talking to us, to me, stopped talking about Beau altogether, stopped laughing, living. And I didn't know how to help you, but last night you were reckless and stupid and… just a teenage girl and I think you needed that."

I look him in the eye for the first time that morning as looks at me, like I remember him doing when I was little, like I was made out of magic "how can I be mad at you for that?"

My arms seem to fly around his neck and for just a moment I actually feel like that little girl again, watching my dad smile as I sit happily in the mud, mom furious that I was staining my new princess dress, as he followed me into the dirt to help build my mud castle.

With a kiss to my brow he leaves me in my self-inflicted agony, licking my lips as I reach for the sweet coffee awaiting me only for my father's head to pop back round before I have a chance to take the handle of the cup and he smirks smugly "oh and after you've had breakfast, get dressed. I might not be mad but you still have to be punished!"

I groan at that but only slightly as I taste the healing caffeinated bliss. In that moment I didn't care what happened, I just wanted my headache to go away…

But I would soon care, and even resent my father just a little.

Not an hour later I'm glaring at the man that this morning I held close "Seriously? Dad come on…"

"Liberty, get out of the car." He just sits there smirking as I beg "please just ground me for a year… two hell I promise to never drink again, I'll join a damn convent if you want but dad I am begging you not this… please!"

Leaning over me he opens the door, unbuckles my belt and all but shoves me out the car. I almost land straight on my ass but thank god I don't. my steps are slow and hesitant, I don't want to be here… why couldn't mom be here, she's have just sent me to military school or something, anything but this.

Then there it is, the front door and I knock lightly, hoping not to be heard and to just go home. But to my dismay the door flings open and there's an old dude with some messed up hexagon glasses, seriously who in their right mind would choose that frame?

He's looking me up and down like a hungry dog would a pork chop "can I help you, sweetheart?"

"I'm looking for Isaac…" his face falls and I can't help the shiver that runs down my spine as he shouts Isaac's name over his shoulder, still staring at me… creepy bastard.

When that curly haired idiot appears he looks shocked to see me "Nell? What are you doing here?"

"Dinner…" they both look confused as I stumble over my words "for last night?"

They still don't seem to get it as I nervously bite my lip and turn back to my dad who waves smugly as I stutter "um, my dad is cooking, some sort of thanks for bringing me home or whatever… don't come… if you know, you don't want to."

"Sure he will… might be the only time he actually gets to talk to a real female besides get's him out of my hair for a few hours." as the older man's hand clamps down onto the boys shoulder I can't help but wince with the blue eyed blond.

Something in me shifts, like the turn of a tide, and I want nothing more than to hurt this man with crappy glasses and a creepy smile "dinners at six, don't be late."

I don't take my eyes off Isaac's father, not until the last second when I give a quick nod to the blue eyed boy and head back to the car, not bothering to look back.

The rest of the day passes by with me slouched on the sofa with my duvet and my Dad fussing over what to make, but I already know what it'll be, Nana's Gumbo is always a must when he cooks for new people. I can smell the sweet tang coming from the kitchen and fucking hell I'm starving because the mean old man is refusing to let me 'spoil my appetite' with snacks.

"Liberty-Bell I think you should get changed and set the table please, our guest will be here soon." With a roll of my eyes I fling away the warmth of my blanket and head over to lay the dining table before I get changed, having changed back into my pj's the moment I walked through the front door.

I don't put much effort into my wardrobe, just throwing on my worn black and red Fleur De Lis jumper that hangs off one shoulder and brushes over my knuckles in that perfect way and managed to wiggle into a pair of torn and tattered gray jeans with a snug pair of booties, not even bothering with my hair as I throw my crimson locks into a messy bun. If my mother was here she'd be appalled at the image looking back at me, unkempt and totally un-lady-like.

But thankfully that self-righteous bag of bones isn't here, that's some relief I guess.

"Liberty, honey?"

"Coming!"

As I head down the stairs the knock echoes throughout the house and knowing my dad's in the kitchen I glare at the person on the other side "well you're sickeningly punctual…"

"Are you going to let me in?" he looks almost smart, crisp blue shirt almost contrasting with his half healed face.

I just move my arm out, waving it inside as direction as I he walks past, my dad emerging from the kitchen just to take the idiot boys hand "Isaac glad you could make it, is your father not with you?"

Oh yeah, I didn't invite him… why? I could lie and say I forgot, but like I said, Lie!

Those pretty, puppy blue eyes send me a momentary questioning stare before shrugging off the question with a halfhearted smile "He couldn't make it, work."

"Ah, well that's too bad, but you're here." My dad looks at him all smiles and niceness and if he weren't my father I'd defiantly do an eye roll.

For a second I wonder why he covered for my lack of extended invitation but then I'm looking at that white box in his hand with a tilt in my head and can't help the 'Seven' reference "what's in the box?"

Isaac fumbles for a second like he'd forgot before moving to hand it to me "it's for you actually."

Seriously? Is this a joke or something?

I take the box sheepishly, like it could actually contain a human head… ok maybe a cat's head because of the box size but it you never know right.

I open the plain box only because of my father's hurrying glare, while Isaac just stands with his hands in his pockets staring around the room almost inspecting the place.

I feel my brow crinkle in confusion at the sight of a Mason jar candle and raise a brow to the male goldilocks stood in my living room as he smiles "You said last night how much you loved this little place back in New Orleans um… Creole Creamery and that you missed the Root Beer Floats so I figured hey a candle… that and my mom always said its rude to turn up to an invited event without a gift so, yeah."

The room is silent for a moment as both of them just stand there looking at me, ok, not awkward at all "um, thanks… I guess. Kind of stalker-y but yeah _thanks_."

"Please excuse my daughter Isaac I'm sure she is actually very grateful, come, sit…!" my dad ushers us into the dining room and into our seats, forcing me and Isaac to face each other with the plate settings.

"Wow something smells good…" Isaac licks his lips and my dad smiles over his shoulder, walking off into the kitchen "well thank you Isaac, you're in for a real treat. Good old-fashioned Louisianan Gumbo, my families own version of course."

"Which is just a nice way of saying he ripped it off from Nana." I groan without actually looking at the boy, but he laughs and I can't help but snarl at the sincere tone of it.

Did I sound like I was trying to be funny?

Because I wasn't…

"Here we go kids, some of the best southern comfort ya'll will ever have." My dad takes a seat and looks very smug with himself, if he were anyone else I'd have poured that delicious scolding gumbo over his head and beat him with the pot.

Well aint he lucky.

"So Isaac tell us about you, family, friends, school…" he has to feel my glare and I'm sure he can because that shit eating grin just gets bigger as he stares at the terrified boy expectantly.

Isaac looks like a deer caught in headlights as my darling father starts filling up our bowls "oh, um… there isn't much to tell sir."

"Now come on Isaac I'm sure a strapping boy like yourself has some stories, like those bruises, what did you get them saving another damsel in distress?" there are not enough eye rolls and sneers in the world in this moment.

So I just continue eating, thankful mom isn't around for the whole saying grace thing.

Seriously how long has he been here, can't he leave yet?

Then I notice something; that strange nervous glitter in those baby blues across the table as he speaks almost sounding like a chipped record "Lacrosse, practice can get a little rough sometimes."

Then I remember how he'd said the same thing to me, I remember that feeling of confusion at his answer when suddenly it hits me… I saw this weeks practice, getting the team ready for next week's ass kicking, I was taking some time to read over my English assignment under the blissful solitude of the bleachers, Isaac had been benched most of the hour because Jackson being the asshole he is decided to try and take the kids knee off.

Apart from that he didn't have a scratch on him, which makes him a liar.

I watch him talk to my dad for a second, they seem to have changed the subject because that glitters gone and the boy's smiling, this big joker style smile and I can't help but wonder why, why would he lie about a few bruises?

Not that I actually give a crap or anything, just normal human curiosity.

"…It's true tell him Liberty."

I snap back from the thought train running through my head and I'm mortified to realize I'd actually been staring at him, at those harsh ugly bruises on that creamy pale skin "what are you babbling about father dear?"

"New Year, three years ago… the tutu?" wow, I could kill him.

Glaring at him I snarl "seriously dad? Why, why would you bring that up?"

My father's course fingers come to brush my cheek "because it was funny Liberty-Bell, besides I don't know why you're so embarrassed… I was the one wearing the tutu."

"Exactly I was just sat there, and then you and Beau come in wearing tights, tutus and Aunt Jodie's biggest heels, it was humiliating!" I can't help but laugh a little at the memory.

Isaac is sat laughing with a mouthful of gumbo as my dad giggles "hey it was hilarious, and don't blame me it was your brothers idea."

My dad just sits there looking very pleased with himself while Isaac continues to chuckle quietly "Yeah but Beau I expect it from, inside his head was like a carnival on crack! You're the grown up."

"Exactly, that's what parents do sweetheart we embarrass our kids, besides Kat thought it was hilarious, hell she even grabbed a tutu and joined in." my heart instantly drops through my ass…

What! WHAT! Why in the name of god would he mention her? What the fuck!?

It quiet for a second before a meek voice perks up "Who's Kat?"

"No one… Why the fuck are you so god dammed nosy, why can't you mind your own fucking business? What are you even doing in my house?"

"Liberty!"

My dad all but screams at me and I realize I've stood up, chair fallen back on the floor, and my palms are stinging.

I watch as Isaac slowly stands, wiping the corner of his mouth with a napkin "Um, I think I should go…"

"Isaac please…" I can see the disappointed look on my dad's face as he calls out after the boy.

"Thanks for the gumbo Mr. McNell, it was delicious." I watch him walk off and I don't feel bad, I don't… mean yeah I screamed at the guy for no actual reason but I don't feel bad… I don't!

Yeah, I manage to convince myself of that for like a fraction of a second until I hear the door close behind him and damn it… my freaking compassion is leaking through.

Running out the house after the stupid kid I call for him after a more than slightly hesitant moment "Isaac wait, look that… um,…"

He's not even looking at me, but as he speaks I can't help but look at the back of his head, I mean come on that has to be a wig made from Goldilockses corpse or something "it's fine, Nell, I know you didn't actually want me here in the first place, your dad made you invite me. I'm not stupid."

Well seems the boy isn't completely oblivious. So flopping my hands down in defeat and sigh, rubbing my brow "yeah, yeah your right my dad did make me invite you, but all that stuff… that was out of line, it had nothing to do with you ok?"

"Then why did you think it was ok to scream at me?" he's turned, arms folded over that lean chest and looking me in the eye now, with those ridiculously big baby blue pools.

And I don't get snarky or mean, ok maybe kind of mean but at least I'm honest "because that's what I do, you see Isaac I have this thing… I'm a terrible person, and I'm kind of a bitch and you were just there ok? I got pissed off and there you were in my line of fire… it's kind of my thing. So are you coming back in or what?"

"Is that supposed to be an apology?" he's just standing there all smug and I can't help but roll my eyes and glare him up and down "well it's the best you're getting so you can get back in there and eat some awesome food or you can get lost!"

He gives that smirk before walking closer, leaning in slightly "well that wasn't so hard was it?"

He walks past me and back into my house and yeah I glare through the door and mutter to myself about all the ways I'm going to murder that smug asshole!

Walking back into the house I see my dad looks a lot happier than he did a minute ago and that the real reason I went after Isaac, it's not that I actually care about how upset the little twerp might have been, I mean seriously, like I'd actually give a rats ass about that puppy eyed moron.

The rest of the evening seems to go quite well surprisingly, my dad embarrassed me with stupid stories and old pictures and I actually laugh a few times, but mostly just sit in utter shame with irritated eye rolls. Isaac seemed to be enjoying it, the humor made at my expense, he keeps smiling at me with his crooked lips and I'm pretty sure I've never hated someone's lips before, or their big starry eyes… but I'm a hundred percent positive I hate his.

That stupid annoying pretty face! He's like a damn girl he's so pretty… fucking freak!

The three of us are gathered around the coffee table with hot coco, mine is pumpkin spiced with extra marshmallows, my dad's silent apology for setting off the trigger earlier with one singular word. Those two are sat staring at on old photo album pulled from one of the dusty shelves as the door creeks open and a venomous creature sneaks into the room "What's this?"

We all turn to see my mother stood near the door, staring at us curiously as my father smiles tenderly "Laura, this is Isaac, Liberty's friend from school, Isaac this is my _charming_ daughter's mother."

Isaac smiles and stands to shake my mother's hand, she just looks him over for a moment before hesitantly taking his hand, then snatching it back almost like he'd bite off her fifty dollar manicure or something "Hello Isaac, I wasn't aware you were coming, in fact I wasn't aware of you at all."

"It was a spare of the moment thing, and you remember Isaac, he's the boy that came round for the chemistry paper, remember?" I can see my dad trying to calm the sudden tension as my mother slides off her coat, barely even looking at any of us.

"Right, so your friends with my daughter?" she takes a seat across the room from the small gathering of people and I already see her distain seeping through.

"Laura…" my father's tone is warning but it doesn't stop her, I think maybe Isaac thought he was going to get the _'what are your intentions'_ speech, yeah… if only I was that lucky.

I glare at her already knowing what's to come as she plays with her glittering silver crucifix "I'm just surprised, you see Liberty doesn't really have what many would call a winning personality, it seems to cost her good quality healthy relationships. In fact if anything it attracts all the wrong sort, from our experience."

"Yeah, well we can't all be perfect children of god like you can we **mother**." I sit biting my lip to hold in the urge to attack my own mother.

"Laura stop it!" I can see the rage emulating from my dad because we both know what she's doing, why she's doing it.

She dawns on the guise of the innocent Christian sat in her ugly sunshine yellow dress "Fred I'm just concerned for our little girl, her past history of choosing companions isn't exactly gleaming now is it."

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I can't help but stand grabbing Isaac's arm to drag him up beside me "listen here lady, I can do what I want, when I want with whomever the hell I want… Isaac is my friend and if you don't like it then tough shit you nasty old hag!"

She looks at me like I'd spat on her "Liberty!"

I drag the boy outside as he bows his head, my dad stopping us for a moment before sighing "Isaac I'm sorry, but despite this it was a nice to meet you son."

"And you sir…" Isaac nods before I continue to drag him out; the last thing I see before leaving the house is my father advancing angrily towards my mother with graveled words "why can't you just leave the past to rest? Why do you…"

I don't bother trying to hear the rest of the conversation, almost ripping Isaac's arm out the socket as I drag him through the front yard, letting go of my vice like grip to punch the old tough oak at the end of the bright lawn "fucking bitch!"

"Well I should go… see you at school."

I turn around to see Isaac getting his bike of the floor and step in front of it before he has the chance to get away from this hellhole "hey, my mom… she's the devil, and she likes fucking with my head and what I said in there about being friends was just to piss her off ok. This changes nothing."

"Right, sure… not going to lie; that is the most bizarre dinner I've ever been to, and if that how you really feel than why do you keep chasing after me?" he straps on his helmet with that shit eating grin and yeah I'm going to punch him, right in the mouth so he'll be picking those pearly whites out of my front yard. I'm going to tell him that he's fucking nuts if he thinks I give one shit about him, seriously me friends with that idiot boy? Not likely…

But by the time I open my mouth say this he's half way up the street waving back to me so I do the next best thing and flip him the bird.

God I hate that boy.

Walking back into the house I glare at the fighting couple I happen to call my parents with mild distain "Seriously?"

"Liberty that boy is going to hurt you, just like the last time is that what you want?" she looks almost remorseful as she moves a stray curl from my rage stricken face.

"Don't do that, don't make out like that was some sort of motherly act of love! That was you holding a grudge, because god forbid you actually practice what you preach. I fucked up ok? I made some bad decisions and I trusted the wrong people but seriously Laura when are you going to let me actually get on with my life!"

"Liberty please, I'm still your mother… I'm just trying to protect you." I look into the eyes of the woman that bared and raised me and say truthfully "then maybe you should start acting like one rather than the wicked fucking step-bitch!"

"Liberty…"

"Screw this I'm going to bed." I head up to bed and already know my mother will be in shit with my dad who I saw seething in the corner, his mood depends on if he'll fork out to kick her into a motel or just the sofa-bed in the study.

Honestly I don't give much of a shit which.

By the time the moon is firmly hung in the sky I can't help but think back on what coursed all this shit in the first place…

Next thing I know there's a dial tone down my ear and I can't breathe as the line is answered by a soft warm voice "Hello… hello? Is anyone there?"

My minds a blank and all I can do is listen to her voice and the thumbing pain echoing throughout my chest "hello… look whoever it is I can't hear you I…"

"Kat…"

"L..Libby, is that you?" I can hear the hitch in the throat and feel the tears I didn't know had escaped roll down my chin.

"Liberty, Libby, please, I know it's you, god please say something, please baby… I miss you so much." I can hear her crying as well and all I feel is pain.

"I'm so sorry, Kitty-Kat, I'm so fucking sorry." I can hear her calling out to me as I quickly kill the call.

Why did I do that? Why drag up all that shit, why put myself through that… why would I put her through that?

God she sounded so broken, so full hurt, god I'm such a fucking idiot!

I lay down into the welcoming softness of my bed, close my eyes and try to forget, forget how my mother's turned against me, how my father's torn between us, forget how Kat's pretty brown eyed glittered with flecks of green when she smiles, how Beau's laugh echoed through every heart it touched, forget Isaac's sassy smirk and lonely beautiful eyes… forget it all.

Forget the pain.

Forget the heat.

Forget how royally fucked up my life's become.

Man, sleeping beauty and snow white had the right idea; just sleep though the bullshit until the happy ending. .. If only life was that fucking simple.


	6. Chapter 6

Hey guys sorry about the wait and unfortunatly this isnt a chapter but i've recently uploaded my vid for this fic on youtube I promise to start uploading more ince i get a bit of free time hope you like the vid let me know, i've pasted the link here watchv=B7Ap5CCRZNQ

but if it doesnt work just type JJBluebell into youtube and you'll find it on my channel X x


End file.
